


Human Again

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [36]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Season Ten, angsty, medical prcedure, talk of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:46:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Cas never got his grace back? What will Sam do to save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone--
> 
> Here's a fic pondering what would happen if Cas never got his grace back and continued to slowly but surely burn out.
> 
> Warnings include: talk of death, cutting, medical (ish) procedure, kind of angsty.
> 
> Hope you like it.

            In extreme cases, an infected limb may be removed before it can bring harm to the rest of the body.

            Cas’ grace is a limb. It’s a part of him, even more than his vessel’s arms or legs. And it is infected.

            They knew this was coming. Cas’ grace is festering and is being rejected from his body, and it is going to kill him. Soon, if Sam doesn’t stop it.

            Cas has been getting weaker, but Sam has never seen the angel this bad, this close to death, and he knows this is it. It’s now or never.

            He carries Cas from where he collapsed up to Sam’s bed, because if this is it, if Cas says no and this is really the end, he at least wants the angel to be comfortable. And the bed is, at the very least, marginally more comfortable than the library floor.

            “Cas,” he says urgently, gripping Cas’ face to direct his gaze, locking eyes to make sure Cas is cognizant and aware of what Sam is saying. “Cas, listen to me. It’s almost gone, Cas. Your grace. And when it’s gone…you’ll die.”

            Cas nods in Sam’s grip, resigned.

            “Listen to me,” Sam continues. “I think I can save you. But, Cas…you won’t be an angel anymore. Just another human. No more grace, no more powers, no more heaven. Do you understand?”

            Cas nods again, but doesn’t say anything.

            “Cas,” Sam prompts, urgency increasing. “Cas, I know, it’s big, but…I need you to make a decision. Because we’re running out of time, and then there will be only one choice left. Which is okay,” he hurries to add, swallowing past the lump in his throat, “if that’s what you choose, it’s okay. I just…need to hear you say it. Either way.”

            Cas reaches for Sam’s arm and pulls him closer, and Sam’s heart sinks, he thinks  _this is it, he wants me to hold him, watch him die_ , and he reminds himself to be strong, that this is Cas’ choice, and that the angel deserves to die as an angel if he wants to.

            He almost opens his mouth, to try to convince Cas, to beg and plead for Cas’ life, even if it isn’t as an angel. But no. He presented the options. Cas knows which Sam would prefer, but it’s not Sam’s choice. It’s Cas’, and all Sam can do is respect it.

            So Sam maneuvers Cas so he’s holding him, head bent close to hear any last words, any last breaths.

            But Cas grips Sam’s face, fingers shaking, and pulls him down, closer, and rasps, “do…it.”

            Sam takes a deep, shuddering breath, feeling his entire body come back alive. “O—okay,” he says, and, trying not to jostle Cas, he reaches for the angel blade.

            “Close your eyes, Cas,” Sam says softly.

            Cas does, albeit reluctantly. Sam only really needs one hand to make the incision, so he reaches his free hand out, searching for Cas’, tangling their fingers together, squeezing softly before he makes the cut.

            He doesn’t bother collecting the grace that leaves Cas, lets the corrupted, infected mess soak into Cas’ clothes and spill onto the sheets. There isn’t a lot of it left.

            Once it’s all gone Sam knows it’s done. Cas is human once more.

            Understandably, Cas has fallen unconscious, from the pain or how weak his body is, perhaps both, but it’s the surest sign that there’s nothing angelic left in him.

            Sam moves out from under him and gets Cas lying flat on the bed before rushing to grab the first aid kit, sterilizing the wound before stitching it. It will scar, and Sam winces at what will always be a vivid reminder of what Cas once was and what they did to save him.

            He strips Cas gently but efficiently, sets the dirtied clothes aside, probably to burn, and dresses him in what’s at hand, a t-shirt that’s far too big on him and sweatpants he will trip over if he tries to stand in them. He washes the sweat and blood off of Cas’ face and neck and chest, and then he’s left with idle hands, nothing left to do but wait.

            Wait for Cas to wake up and react, to properly process the decision he made, the actions Sam took, to understand that he will always carry that scar and will never carry his grace again. Wait for Cas to wake up and understand he is mortal once more, probably forever, and will never be an angel again.

            Sam gets back on the bed. The sheets need to be changed but to do that he’d have to move Cas, so he leaves the grimy, stained sheets alone and lies beside Cas. He takes his hand once more, squeezes gently, and then slides his fingers up to Cas’ wrist. He can feel a pulse under his fingers, and that relaxes him a little bit. It’s steady, and whatever else happens, at least it worked. Cas will live.

            Cas waking will bring a whole host of new challenges, but Cas made his choice, and Sam made his and, together, they will learn to live with it.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two--A brief ditty I'm moving from Tumblr on how Cas adjusts to being human.

When he’s human again, Sam makes him a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich, and he can taste it once more.

He can sleep and even dream, and he can taste Sam in his kiss. He needs to brush his teeth and wash his clothes and shower. He needs to eat and drink almost constantly. Sam introduces him to coffee and jelly toast in the mornings, although most days he’ll steal some of Sam’s eggs too.

There’s a point to lying in bed with Sam beside just being in bed with Sam, and he hates to lose the time watching Sam that he’d come to enjoy but falling asleep next to him, tangled up with him, is pretty special too and Cas gladly accepts it.

He has to watch Sam bleed after a fight and can’t do a thing to fix it besides learn to stitch wounds. He becomes very good very fast, quick fingers fixing the damage in Sam the best he can.

He loses his wings and his flight and that loss hurts, truly hurts, and while he knows there are redeeming things about cars—kissing in the backseat, holding hands across the front console, the peace of driving with someone quietly beside him—he can’t help but hate them for what they mean, for what he lost.

But it also means he takes the time to see the world, and he’s not sure what the benefit of the world’s largest ball of twine is but Sam takes him there in addition to the stunning Redwoods and Niagara Falls and everywhere in between.

And then there are the nights where they park under the stars, looking up at the vast, looming sky, and Cas has never felt so small, so infinitesimally small. He is small, a speck of brief dust among an unending multitude of space and time, a tiny person in a world of tiny people that is tiny in and of itself.

But then Sam’s arms close around Cas, pulling him closer, and Cas relaxes, viewing the stars for their beauty instead of their symbolic grandeur. For here, with Sam, Cas may be one of the tiny, meaningless humans, he may be a speck of dust, he may be small, but he will never be lost, and he will never be alone, and that, truly, is all he needs.


End file.
